


your eyes tell

by milkywayclouds



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Dangan Ronpa 3 Spoilers, Hajime Has Anxiety, Jabberwock Island (Dangan Ronpa), Komaeda Nagito's Luck Cycle, Komahina centric, Light Angst, M/M, Nagito Has Anxiety, Nagito Has Unresolved Trauma, Overthinking, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Dangan Ronpa 3: Hope Arc, Slight NSFW (will be marked in chapter notes), Super Dangan Ronpa 2 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkywayclouds/pseuds/milkywayclouds
Summary: :･ﾟ☆🍃 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗉𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝗍𝗌 𝗌𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝗇𝖺𝗆𝖾 ༄☁･*˚⁺‧͙hajime saves nagito,and they theyfallinlove.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 21
Kudos: 92





	1. 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗎𝖾

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is my first danganronpa fanfic here hehe <3 enjoy!
> 
> since this fanfic is a fix-it, nanami chiaki will live :D i initially wanted to put this in the tags, but it would be a spoiler because then people could infer that she dies in canon D:
> 
> i've also left mitarai ryota and ultimate imposter out of this because i really am unsure of how to write them and i wouldn't want to do a disservice to the ultimate imposter's true nature when he is himself and stretch myself thin trying to write a character i'm unfamiliar with (yes i can write him as byakuya but i refuse to, since he is more than an imposter and is a unique person).
> 
> also, for ryota i'm not sure how he would interact with the rest of the class because he's mostly absent in the despair arc and isn't in goodbye despair so i will leave those two characters untouched :((
> 
> i would like to thank my friend @k9kichi on instagram for beta reading this fanfic!
> 
> technical stuff aside, i have nothing left to say! enjoy the story ( ・∇・)

“A future without you is… a world without colour.”

“Did you come up with that yourself?”

“I got it from a song.”

`-, ༅🍃

After Class 77-B reunited with each other, they all trudged onto the ship and set sail for Jabberwock Island. Looking back at the ruins of the Future Foundation, Hajime sighed and walked to the helm of the ship to gaze out toward the horizon.

It had been a long day for everyone, and they were coming to terms with their experiences in the Neo World Program. Right after emerging from the Neo World Program, they had to set sail for the Future Foundation headquarters to save Makoto, Aoi, Hagakure, Byakuya and Kyoko. Everyone was shaken from the day’s events, and even more so because of the future that they would have to face. Class 77-B ended up taking the blame for the Future Foundation Killing Game to hide the truth from the public. They were more than eager to set off to their new home: the real Jabberwock Island which the Neo World Program was based on. It would be a good place to hide away from the eyes of the world that would soon be trying to trace them down to shower them with questions on why they did what they had done.

Speaking of the Neo World Program, everyone’s perception of time was distorted during their stay in the virtual Jabberwock Island, and some even said they felt like they had died while inside the program. One of those people was Komaeda Nagito.

“Hey… do you know anything about what happened inside the program?” he walked over to Hajime, who was admiring the sunset. “I mean, you’re the Ultimate _Everything_. You brought everyone back to life, right?”

“Well, I wouldn’t really call it that,” Hajime waved off Nagito’s words. “No one really died in the first place. You were just in a heavy coma.”

“While I was known as the Ultimate Despair, I actually sneaked something into the Neo World Program. It’s the only reason why Monokuma managed to make people kill each other. So it took some people a long while to wake up because their brains had to readjust to the fact that they were indeed alive,” Hajime explained. “I hope I’m not boring you.”

“No, it’s fine! Tell me more,” Nagito said. “I died in the program as well, right?”

Hajime sighed, slowly nodding. “You died in a really bad way. You were the last one to wake up.”

“Yeah… I vaguely remember saying a lot of weird stuff. I thought the program was supposed to eliminate despair.”

“Your form of despair wasn’t really despairing. The program only targeted memories of the tragedy and the bad things we did to normal people just walking down the street, but it couldn’t fix your strong sense of hope and self-loathing combined. To you, your death was hope instead of despair.”

“...”

“Hey, Hajime,” Nagito started. “Do you think hope can turn into despair?”

“It depends how you see it,” Hajime mumbled as he flashed-back to the things Nagito did to himself. “To everyone else, your actions did have a certain degree of despair. But to you, it was just the belief that you were a stepping stone for hope, right? Different people interpret it differently. And, if you’ll allow me…”

“Allow you… to? Go ahead and say it.”

“I personally think you have to stop thinking like that. By saying that your life is cursed with a cycle of fortunate and unfortunate events you’re denying the despair you feel because when something bad happens you’ll just see it as something good and that’s–”

“HEY!!” a voice shouted from behind them, interrupting their conversations. “We’re moving!”

The duo turned their heads to see Ibuki jumping about and exclaiming as she saw the ship start to manoeuvre away from the port. She looked like she had returned to her usual, peppy self despite everything that had recently happened. It really felt like a non-stop chain of events. From being a remnant of despair to going into a rehabilitation program which would then be hijacked, and then coming out only to rush off to rescue people from another sick killing game. Confined safe places always turned unsafe when despair came into the picture, and everyone was more or less tired of seeing the same narrative spin again and again.

Hagakure and Aoi were waving to them, exchanging farewells and goodbyes. From a distance, Kyoko and Makoto watched the ship slowly become one with the horizon, and that was the last that they would see of Class 77-B in a long time.

A _long_ time.

`-, ༅🍃

The journey to Jabberwock Island took a few days. There was nothing much for the class to do apart from sleeping or staring at the light blue sky and the boundless ocean, which was a deeper shade of blue. Akane had eaten up most of the food, and Chiaki’s _Game Girl Advance_ was on its last bar of energy. The only thing that the class was not short of was Ibuki’s loud singing and strumming. “Since I don’t have an amp, I’ll be using an acoustic guitar for the next performance!” she declared on the deck of the ship to no one in particular. Half of the class was in their rooms, and the other half was scattered about the top deck.

“Your voice doesn’t suit acoustic guitars, so shut it before I throw you into the ocean,” Hiyoko snapped, pouting. “If it doesn’t suit my voice, I’ll figure out a way! Leave it to Ibuki!”

Hiyoko sighed. “F-fine… it’s not like anything I say can shake that girl.”

While Ibuki was screaming her lungs out on top of the ship, Hajime was lying down on his bed, occasionally glancing at the porthole to see what was going on outside. The only thing for miles was a cloudless, clear blue sky. It was very different from the dark, ominous swirling crimson red sky that had blanketed the world before the Hope Video debuted worldwide. That was merely a few hours ago.

_It was my fault, wasn’t it? I made them suffer for my own pleasure. I just wanted to see which one would win._

As thoughts ran across Hajime’s mind, he suddenly felt pangs of guilt shoot into his heart. He, too, was trying to come to terms with his actions. _No… I didn’t do it on purpose. They rearranged my brain and made me someone I wasn’t. It’s not my fault, right? They used me. That’s the only reason I–_

“Hajime?” Nagito knocked on the door to Hajime’s room. “Nagito? Is that you?”

“Yeah, come out! We’ve arrived. Everyone else is off already.”

Stepping onto the beach that he once woke up on, Hajime felt the sand crunch with his every footstep. It surely felt more real – and definitely more satisfying – than in the Neo World Program. It was most definitely the real Jabberwock Island. This was also confirmed with the presence of the administrative building in place of the Jabberwock Park the class had always dreaded to meet Monokuma at in the virtual world. There were also no bridges, as critics had specified.

The class eagerly disembarked the ship, anticipating to live the rest of their lives out by themselves on this island resort. Hajime stepped into his cottage and set his things down, jumping back onto the soft bed he once had trouble sleeping on. It felt refreshing to take everything in once more, but this time everything was real. No more despair, no more mastermind, no more _Kamakura Izuru_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this is a little canonically inaccurate haha,, especially for the future foundation part at the beginning
> 
> ~
> 
> leave some feedback, suggestions or comments about the fanfic and i will rectify anything that needs to be edited :)  
> thanks for reading! remember to drink some water and sleep early today (｡･-･｡)♡


	2. 𝗄𝗈𝗆𝖺𝖾𝖽𝖺_𝗇𝖺𝗀𝗂𝗍𝗈 の過去

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2— komaeda_nagito's past
> 
> hajime and nagito go to the beach, and hajime's ultimate analyst is showing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **note note note** ; people will be drinking alcohol in this chapter!! i headcanon everyone in class 77b to be of legal drinking age

All the countless times Hajime looked up at the stars from his balcony in the Neo World Program and felt so alone were meaningless now. He was more than satisfied to get to live out the rest of his life on an island with the rest of his classmates – no, the people he had journeyed with in the Neo World Program. There was nothing left to fear, and no one could harm them anymore. Everything was back to normal.

Upon arriving onto the island, everyone scattered and went around to explore the various places they vaguely remembered from the program. Kazuichi found the electronics shops as he did previously, Ibuki made a beeline for Titty Typhoon and Gundham camped in the ranch. Mikan also made it a point to familiarise herself with the hospital so that she would know where was what in the event of emergencies.

There was nothing much for Nagito to do. He sat on the beach for the remainder of the afternoon and slowly dozed off against a palm tree. Hajime and Chiaki were also fast asleep in their respective cottages.

Just then, a notification on everyone’s cell phone rang. Hajime picked it up, tapping on the notification on the screen.

_chiaki has added you and 14 others to the group chat_

_chiaki renamed the group chat to “CLASS 77-B”_

_chiaki: HEY EVERYONE_

_chiaki: let’s have a party together tonight !!!!_

_ibuki: ibuki says yes to any party!_

_mahiru: i’ll be coming as well!_

_chiaki: i suddenly remembered that we had a party when we came here for the first time!!_

_chiaki: we should do it again!_

_peko: i would be delighted to be in attendance._

_teruteru: i’ll cook something so good nothing else will ever taste good again!_

_kuzuryu: the last time you cooked us something it was a disaster._

_mikan: y-yeah…_

_peko: now that you mention it, i do feel a certain amount of concern for the safety of teruteru’s dishes_

_hiyoko: what if he slips an aphrodisiac into it again?_

_akane: IN THAT CASE I WILL EAT EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE!!_

_akane: i exercise so much that anything i eat will be processed so fast it won’t get absorbed!_

_hajime: then… what would be the point of eating?_

_akane: i’ll get the glucose but not whatever crap teru wants to add!!! isn’t that amazing?_

_hajime: is that humanly possible?_

_nekomaru: let me fight akane! then we’ll see if it’s possible!!_

_akane: bring it onnNN!!!!!! IM NOT SCARED OF YOU!_

_teruteru: wow.... everyone sure is excited…. then i shall ASK YOU ALL TO BEHOLD MY VERY SPECIAL COOKING FOR TONIGHT!_

_chiaki: please spare us the details before we vomit_

_teruteru: there’s nothing to be afraid of! the only thing you’ll taste tonight is my PASSION!_

_hajime: i really don’t think it’s just that…_

_hiyoko: yeah! how can we trust you, morally corrupt kinky chef?_

_teruteru: you’re not wrong about the nickname… but HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY COOKING METHODS?_

_sonia: hygenic, nutritious and digestable food is a basic human right, is it not?_

_peko: sonia is right. i shall supervise you while you cook so you won’t be able to add anything you please._

_mikan: if anyone falls sick i will prepare medcine! don’t worry everyone!!!_

_chiaki: that sounds like a plan. show us the way, teruteru_

_teruteru: huh?? too many cooks spoil the broth!!! you all are forbidden to enter the kitchen!_

_chiaki: we won’t be cooking, we just want to make sure you don’t do anything weird._

_mikan: yeah… especially after… last time……_

_teruteru: f-fine…_

_hajime: i guess that settles it_

_hajime: what time is the party again?_

_chiaki: 7pm at the old hotel building!_

_chiaki: last person to arrive has to take 5 dares!_

_chiaki: and maybe chug a bottle of alcohol_

_mikan: th-that’s not safe!! >< _

_chiaki: hm… then a can of beer will do._

_kazuichi: challenge accepted! i shall not be on the losing end today!_

_gundham: talking so arrogantly is unusual for a careless mortal like you._

_sonia: he’s right! you’re always late, kazuichi_

_kazuichi: sh-sHUT UP! I REFUSE TO BE LATE TONIGHT! see you there miss sonia!!!_

Hajime put his phone back down and smiled. _I should probably take a short nap before the long event tonight…_ he thought, closing his eyes and slowly drifting away again.

Hajime was not the only person sleeping. When Nagito first woke up from his nap on the beach, the final golden rays of sunlight were slipping beneath the horizon. He groggily felt his way up onto his two feet and surveyed the surroundings. The bridge was illuminated by the distant moon in the sky and the fleeting rays of light that did not want to disappear yet. The sea gently lapped against the shoreline, leaving behind faint traces of foam and an occasional shell. Nagito did not feel like going anywhere else at that point of time; he had been fully encompassed by the relaxing atmosphere and its accompanying soundscape. Half asleep, he decided to sit back down and doze off once more.

To his shock, a startling voice exploded from behind him. “Nagito! You were here the whole time?”

Turning around, Nagito saw a pale, fair-skinned boy as tall as him. In the dark atmosphere, it took him a while to register that the person talking to him was Hajime. “What brings you here, Hajime?” Nagito asked, tilting his head to the side a little.

“We’re having a party right now at the old hotel building. Did you see Chiaki’s message?” Hajime said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“A party? I was asleep just now, I have no idea what’s going on. You didn’t have to come all the way to look for a burden like me,” Nagito smiled, waving. “Nagito… stop that.” Hajime sternly said, grabbing Nagito’s hand. “You’re a part of the class, so stop saying stupid things and let’s go.”

“I’m really sorry I made you come all the way here for my insolence. Believe me, I usually read all my messages,” Nagito apologised as Hajime pulled him towards the old hotel building. “Stop apologising,” Hajime sighed, stopping in his tracks. “I do feel a need to apologise for my actions, after all, I made you come all the way here…”

“It’s not like I had to run a marathon to find you,” Hajime said. “Stop thinking of yourself so lowly.”

`-, ༅🍃

“NAGITO!” Ibuki exclaimed as he stepped into the room. “Where were you?”

“I didn’t see Chiaki’s message because I fell asleep for a bit,” Nagito said. “I’m so sorry for worrying you all–” he began, but Hajime’s finger pressed onto his lips momentarily. “Shh, I said it’s fine.”

“Right.”

Kazuichi beamed as he watched Nagito down a can of alcohol. “See? I told you all I wouldn’t be the last,” he shouted. When Nagito was done, everyone cheered rambunctiously and dares started to be thrown across the room. “Get down on your knees and bark like a dog!” “Eat a bowl of chips in two minutes!”

Nagito obliged, trying his best to do everything his classmates had suggested. When he was done, another round of applause echoed from the old building. The remainder of the party was filled with eating, more dares and board games.

Akane, Ibuki and Kazuichi ended up intoxicated at varying degrees, and Sonia had to guide them back to their cottages to make sure they returned safely. Nagito and Hajime did have a bit to drink, but they were still sober enough to walk on their own.

“Hey… I was just wondering if you’d like to sit at the beach with me for a bit,” Hajime asked as they walked out of the old building. They were one of the last few people to leave. “With you?” Nagito asked, in shock that someone would want to spend time with him. Usually, he was the one who had to ask someone else to hang out with him. Nagito simply blended in with the background a lot. He never spoke much, never moved around much. Even his classmates would not notice him sometimes. It was only when he was not at the right place at the right time – as the case was for the party earlier on – that people started to catch up on the fact that _Nagito isn’t here. Where is he?_

“Of course, with you. Sitting on the beach alone is quite lonely, isn’t it?”

“I’m already used to it. But of course, I’d go with you,” Nagito smiled. He could not decline. Partially because he was afraid of being judged. _Why does Nagito always sit alone? Why doesn’t he talk to anyone?_ were some potential thoughts Hajime could think of. No, not just Hajime. Anyone could take one look at Nagito and jump to judgement. It would not take a rocket scientist to figure out that Nagito was the odd one out.

Nagito also accepted Hajime’s offer because deep down inside, his cold, frozen heart just wanted to feel the warmth of another human being.

The two of them ambled to the beach as a calm, gentle breeze invigorated the surroundings. When they arrived, Nagito automatically strayed from Hajime and walked underneath a palm tree. “This was, and is my favourite spot.” He was smiling like a child, smiling so much his eyes had closed. Hajime smiled back, kind of taken by surprise. Nagito did not smile much, which was why he gravitated so much towards Nagito’s smile under the palm tree. It was like finding a treasure.

“ _Was_ your favourite spot?”

“In the Neo World Program.”

Hajime nodded. “You should smile more. It looks kind of good on you…” he mumbled, sitting down next to Nagito. The moment he said that he could feel his cheeks heating up ever so slightly. “I’ll smile again like this the next time we meet,” Nagito reassured him, causing a warmth to blossom in his heart. _He’s not that bad – actually quite nice – when he’s not rambling about hope. I just need to understand him more._

The two of them sat in silence for a while, gazing up towards the night sky. Jabberwock Island was hundreds of kilometres away from the nearest another town that was not an island, and that town was rural, to begin with. This kept the night sky above Jabberwock free from light pollution, allowing the two of them to see the Milky Way in its full glory.

After a few minutes, Nagito broke the silence with a question. “Hey, Hajime. Earlier today you were telling me something on the ship, right? I believe our conversation was interrupted. Do you remember what you wanted to say?”

“... mmm, nothing much. You just need to stop writing off every event as a stepping stone to hope.”

“Why not?”

“Your eyes tell.”

Nagito was taken aback by this abstract answer. “C-could you elaborate more?”

“Well… ever since _they_ performed experiments on me I’ve had a thing for analysing people.” Just as he said that Hajime covered his mouth, widening his eyes. Nagito had an even more perplexed look on his face. “Sorry. That sounded a little creepy,” Hajime muttered under his breath.

Nagito shook his head. “Not at all. Go on.”

“Okay, if you wish. I’ve just had this thing for analysing people, and in the program, I definitely saw something from you. When you were rambling about hope.”

“What did you see?” Nagito asked as Hajime paused in between sentences, trying to think of something.

“Your eyes. They told me a lot. Behind your crooked smile, there was definitely something more. It seems like you’re hiding your despair behind a mask of hope.”

Nagito gazed at Hajime after hearing what he had said. He gazed intensely, dead on the centre of Hajime’s eyes. “My eyes now. Are they hiding anything? I bury a lot of things in my heart so I could be doing it now, even subconsciously, for all I know.”

Right after he said that Nagito stopped abruptly. _What am I doing? I’m perfectly fine. My past is in the past. Right now, I’m in a safe place. Nothing can hurt me. Not bad luck, not good luck. Right? Why am I looking to the past? Why? Why now? Why am I opening up to someone?_

“Nagito, would you mind if I asked a sensitive question?” Hajime suddenly said without answering Nagito’s previous question.

“Go on.”

“Did you get to mourn for your parents properly when they… you know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like the fanfic so far!  
> feel free to comment a certain trigger and i will put a disclaimer for that character if they appear in future chapters!!
> 
> by the way, this chapter's name translates to komaeda nagito's past. for some chapters i will use japanese titles as your eyes tell is in japanese!!
> 
> ~
> 
> as always, suggest a change or give feedback if there's any! i will rectify any issue brought up asap :)  
> thanks for reading! remember to drink some water and sleep early today (๑>◡<๑)


	3. ねぇ、側にいて

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3— hey, stay by my side
> 
> nagito feels hajime's warmth and time freezes.

Nagito did not know what to say. The answer was so obviously yes. Why was he struggling to talk about his turbulent past he had already moved on from?

“You seem to be hesitant,” Hajime thought out loud. “Let’s not discuss further for now then.”

Relieved that he no longer had to grapple with a complex emotion he did not understand, Nagito looked away and went back to admiring the scenery. The two of them fell silent again. Not long after that, Nagito slowly closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

`-, ༅🍃

Hajime was sure he himself did not mind doing what he was doing. _But what about Nagito? Will he be okay if I do this?_ Hajime thought as he hoisted Nagito’s still body up. The wind had brought a chill to the air, and Hajime did not want Nagito sleeping in the temperate climate of the night. He set Nagito’s legs onto his arms in preparation to carry him back to his cottage, where it was warmer and he would have a better sleep. The faint smell of liquor wafted off of Nagito’s clothes as Hajime strolled to the hotel.

Fumbling in Nagito’s clothes for his cottage key, Hajime was mildly shocked to find that _he did not have his cottage key on him._ Could it have fallen out on their way back? Did Nagito lose it during the party? Hajime wanted to wake Nagito up, but he could not bring himself to stir the latter. He had a peaceful visage, one that did not seem like it knew fear. Everything that was written on Nagito’s face contradicted his analyses of Nagito’s thoughts and emotions. There was not even a hint of sorrow or distress tainting his calm expression while he slept. _Am I barking up the wrong tree? I guess he just prefers to talk about… more unconventional topics. Maybe I’m overanalysing this person. Sucks to be a human experiment._

Just then, Nagito slowly fluttered his eyebrows open. “H-Hajime?” A slight blush adorned Nagito’s cheeks when he realised that he was in Hajime’s arms. “Am I too heavy?”

Hajime offered a kind smile, shaking his head. “Did I wake you up?”

“No… I was actually awake the whole time,” Nagito mumbled, brushing his hair to the side so that he could see Hajime better. “I woke up when you carried me, but I didn’t want you to feel bad so I continued sleeping.”

It was Hajime’s turn to blush. “I-I’m so sorry. I’ll put you down.”

“No, it’s alright,” Nagito said, wrapping his hands around Hajime’s chest, causing Hajime to blush even more. The two of them stood still outside Nagito’s cottage, Hajime feeling stupid and embarrassed at himself for wanting Nagito to be in his arms. _Well, this isn’t that bad after all… to be honest._ he admitted to himself. He liked the feeling of Nagito’s hair brushing against his face. He did not want the moment to end, either.

“Now then…” Hajime started after a while. “Is it just me or did you really lose your room key?”

Nagito dug through his two pockets before realising that he had, indeed, lost his key. “I… uh…” he sheepishly began. “It’s alright. I like you, so I’d be happy to have you sleep in my cottage for tonight anyway,” Hajime said. Without giving Nagito a moment to protest he made his way to his cottage, unlocking the door and going in, all while Nagito lied in his arms.

“You’re alright with this arrangement?” Hajime confirmed as he picked up the edge of his blanket that had fallen off his bed. Nagito nodded. Although he did not want to admit it, he really enjoyed being in Hajime’s company. Perhaps it was because of their interactions in the Neo World Program or because they naturally had chemistry between each other. Perhaps it was because Hajime was the only one who bothered to listen to him.

Soon, Hajime and Nagito were snuggled together in Nagito’s bed. (Both of them were not facing each other, as a matter of fact. Hajime was preoccupied with hiding his blush and trying to figure out whether he liked Nagito. To be honest, what was there not to like about Nagito? Nagito was virtually the only person he could sleep on a bed with. None of his other classmates would really consider the prospect of such a situation either; it was a matter of whether they would reject Hajime’s offer politely or rudely, instead of whether they would say yes or no.)

“Face me, Hajime. I don’t like looking at your back,” Nagito mumbled suddenly, breaking the ambient droning of the ceiling fan. Hajime was taken aback, but he relented soon after. “Fine… fine.” Just as Nagito had taken a liking to Hajime, Hajime felt like he had also done the same.

“Is this better?” Hajime looked right into Nagito’s eyes. In place of an answer, Nagito simply smiled and closed his eyes once more.

`-, ༅🍃

“Hajime! HAJIME!” a sharp voice trailed from outside, rousing Hajime from his slumber. Hajime blinked his eyes open, realising that someone was at the door.

“Nagito,” Hajime softly whispered. “Someone’s outside. You can hide in the toilet if you wish.”

“N… no thanks…” Nagito sleepily responded. Hajime sighed, throwing the blanket over Nagito to conceal his entire body. Then, he got out of bed to answer the door. He was greeted by a stern-looking Chiaki, who was holding up a key. It was Nagito’s.

“You didn’t have to hide him, y’know?” she smirked, twirling her bangs around her fingers. “H-hide?” Hajime stammered flusteredly. “Your windows are transparent. I saw Nagito already, so there was no point in covering him,” Chiaki laughed, causing Hajime to look to the side in embarrassment for a moment.

“Anyways, this key explains everything. I understand. It fell through the floorboards of the old hotel building,” Chiaki handed Nagito’s key over to Hajime, briskly turning around and leaving. “Have fun with… your boyfriend?” she teased as she swiftly left the scene to dodge Hajime’s following onslaught of curses.

Grunting, Hajime closed the door. He did not want to pass the key to Nagito because he did not want to seem like he was chasing Nagito out. Part of him also wanted Nagito to stay. _Damn it… do I like him?_ Hajime thought. He had never really been in love with anyone yet, so everything was still novel and he was grappling with his own thoughts and feelings. _Well, maybe Nagito feels the same way as well? I hope I’m not alone in this,_ the idea struck Hajime. It offered him some consolation that if, on the off chance that Nagito was also catching feelings for Hajime, he would not be the only one going through what he was going through.

“Do you wanna have breakfast here?” Hajime asked Nagito, who was still lying down even after the former had finished brushing his teeth and washing his face. “I can ask the hotel staff for an exception. I’ll tell them you’re hungover or something…” Nagito sleepily nodded. “Breakfast… from Hajime.” A small, concealed smile spread onto his lips. “Do I really deserve such good treatment?” Hearing this, Hajime groaned, turning around to face Nagito so his rolling eyes would be in full view. “Just kidding, just kidding,” he laughed. “I’m sure I deserve at least _this_ from you.” Hajime satisfiedly nodded at the corrected statement, prying the rusty wooden door open and leaving for the buffet spread in the hotel restaurant.

Asking himself what Nagito would like to eat for breakfast on his first day on the island, Hajime eyed the row of platters neatly lined up on a tablecloth. The rest of the class had already plowed through most of the food, but thankfully there were candles beneath the platters to keep whatever was left warm. Hajime scooped up some scrambled eggs and sausages, along with a glass of orange juice.

Upon returning to his cottage, Hajime placed the food onto a tray. “I don’t know what you like, so I just got orange juice. You can’t go wrong with that,” Hajime said.

  
“Thank you,” Nagito smiled, getting up from his bed to consume what Hajime had brought for him. “You’re not eating?”

  
“I’m not hungry,” replied Hajime, walking towards the television to turn it on. He settled down onto the other end of the bed and watched the news. “So, what do you wanna do today? I’m alright if you just wanna lie down and do nothing.”

“Let’s watch a movie at the theatre,” Nagito suggested.

“ _That_ shabby place? ...If you say so.”

Nagito promptly finished up his breakfast and the both of them made their way to the third island to check the movie theatre out. Due to the fact that the class were the only people on the island (discounting the resort staff), not a lot of movies were showing. There was a horror movie and a rom-com.

“What do you say?” Hajime said, staring at the two miserable posters behind the counter. They were practically falling off the walls, held together by just a few small pieces of yellowed tape. “Why don’t you choose this time, Hajime? I’m fine with anything anyway,” Nagito said.

“Why not both then?”

`-, ༅🍃

They went with the romantic comedy first. It was unsurprisingly soppy, as the quality of the movie matched the run-down interior of the movie theatre – they were both let downs. The horror movie was just as cheap and filled with too many jumpscares, although it had successfully managed to keep Nagito on the edge of his seat. Every time a cheap jumpscare popped up on screen Nagito jolted upwards slightly, a small gasp escaping his lips. Even the quietest of sound effects had him trembling in fear.

“Hey… are you alright…?” Hajime glanced with concern at Nagito, who was cowering in fear and covering a portion of his eyes with his hands.

“I-I’m fine,” his quivering, low voice stuttered.

“You don’t look fine.”

“Trust m-me!”

Hajime sighed. He shifted his body mass towards the left, ever so slightly leaning towards Nagito’s direction. Just before the next scare appeared, he put his right hand over Nagito’s eyes.

“You don’t have to watch if you don’t want to.”

Time seemed to freeze at the point, and even the dreaded growls of the monsters on screen were not enough to pierce Nagito’s daze. He was glad that the movie theatre was dark, because he could feel his face turn red as he felt Hajime’s breath close to his face. Hajime was also paused in the moment, staying very close to Nagito until the scary scene abated. All Nagito could focus on at the moment was Hajime’s hand.

Nothing else needed to be asked or said; everything just unfolded naturally from that point. Nagito took Hajime by the former’s left hand, and he could feel the hotness of Hajime’s hand on his as well. Nagito grasped Hajime’s right hand with both of his hands now, slowly bringing it downwards onto his lap. They both held eye contact for around fifteen seconds, before Nagito smiled again. His smile seemed to illuminate the entire room. Hajime could not stop looking at it, for Nagito rarely smiled. His face was usually a blank canvas, ready for people to paint their assumptions about him onto it. “He’s so creepy.” “What’s going on in that hope-crazed head of his?” “Is he alright?” But all Hajime could see in that moment was an innocent boy with a life full of secrets, eyes filled with a familiar form of love. He did not want to look away, he did not want Nagito’s eyes to fade back to their usual monotony.

Hajime leaned in closer to Nagito. “Stay like this forever,” he pleaded with Nagito. Right when he uttered those words, he was overcome with fluster and had to look away for a second. “You always look away after you say cheesy things,” Nagito’s raspy voice half-whined. He gently cradled Hajime’s warm chin in between his metal fingers, slowly turning Hajime’s head to face him again.

“I just realised something,” Nagito whispered. “You gave me warmth.”

“Yeah,” Hajime mumbled. “It… it would be sad if your left hand were never to feel warmth again. It would be even worse if you wouldn’t be able to feel the warmth of my face now. I want you to know how that feels like.”

“So you admit it, huh? You made this just for me,” Nagito’s eyes shifted to his prosthetic, but they still contained the special glow in them. “Of course,” Hajime said. “You’re special. I wanted to do something special for someone special like you…”

For the briefest moment, Hajime almost discerned something twinkling in Nagito’s eyes. Was it tears? But in a moment they left as soon as they came, and Hajime’s eyes could no longer see anything because he felt Nagito’s tender lips on his cheek, and he pecked Nagito’s cheek softly in return.

They could feel each other’s warm breath against each other’s faces, and Nagito could feel Hajime’s warmth through the coldness of his arm and his soul. His heart felt like it was going to melt, his tears were on the brink of falling. At one point in time Nagito could hold it in no longer, and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

“Hey, stay by my side.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is the komahina representation/manifestation of "what if we held hands" :0
> 
> ~
> 
> update before the weekend :)  
> school is starting in january for me, so i'll try to write as much as possible before it gets busy >_<;  
> thanks for reading!
> 
> take care of yourself today! drink some coffee, tea, water or orange juice if you're hajime (o˘◡˘o)


	4. 𝗀𝗈𝗅𝖽𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗋

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4— golden hour
> 
> this chapter contains a little not safe for work (nsfw) content towards the end so please use discretion ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

_ Just die. Just die already. You don’t deserve to be alive. Why didn’t you die that day? You’re only going to hurt everyone around you. Stay away from them and end your life. You wouldn’t want them to get hurt, right? You’ll just curse everyone with your bad luck. No one really likes you. You’re weird. No one would really care if you died. _

Nagito’s eyes shot open, and he found himself lying on his bed. Beads of sweat lined his forehead, and he was paralysed with fear for a moment. His breaths were hastened, shallow and in quick succession. His heart was racing so fast that he really thought that he was about to die.

Slowly, he got out of bed and tried not to lose his balance.  _ I need to see Hajime. I need to see Hajime. _ He knew that he was having a full-blown panic attack, but he did not know why. There was nothing to be afraid of. On Jabberwock Island, there was nothing to be afraid of. He was in a safe place, he was around safe people… there was just no culprit to be pinpointed. Everything was okay, so why was he experiencing what he was experiencing?

Hoping that Hajime was up, he knocked on Hajime’s door thrice. It was close to midnight, so he really was not expecting Hajime to be awake. However, it would still be worth a shot, as it was the only other option than going back to sleep (anyone other than Hajime who might have been awake would most probably not know what was going on with him, so it was either going back to sleep or talking to Nagito). Plus, Hajime was the only person he felt safe to confide in. Hajime never really seemed to have strong feelings or judgements towards Nagito – or anyone at all, for that matter – and also seemed to reciprocate the feelings Nagito had for him.

After a few minutes, he was considering returning back to his room. Hajime was not answering the door, so it would be best for him to retreat back into his own bed to try and calm down on his own. However, there was a sudden, sharp creak from the floorboards inside Hajime’s cottage and a muffled “who is it?” Hajime’s loud footsteps echoed across the thin cottage walls as he made his way to the door. “Sorry, I needed some time to get u–” he began, but stopped in his words and took Nagito’s hand upon seeing the other boy’s distraught face.

Hajime brought Nagito into his cottage and they both settled down on the bed. “Tell me about it,” Hajime calmly whispered, looking right at Nagito and gently holding his hand. “I just… I…” Nagito mumbled dejectedly, devoid of the energy he had given off hours ago. “Take your time,” Hajime reassuringly said, embracing Nagito and stroking his hair.

“I had a bad dream,” he whispered. “I’m scared. I don’t want you to get hurt when you’re around me.”

“Don’t be afraid, I’m here for you,” Hajime reassured, patting Nagito gently on the back and pecking him on the forehead. “I’ll do my best to be safe. I’ll protect you and myself from anything that tries to harm us because I…”

Before Hajime could complete his sentence he stopped himself in his tracks. He wanted to say that he loved Nagito, but the words refused to come out of his mouth.  _ What’s going on? What am I saying? _ Thoughts rushed through Hajime’s mind like a swollen river, everything going too fast for Hajime to process anything.

“You… love me?” Nagito murmured with a croak in his voice, as if he read Hajime’s mind.

Hajime slowly nodded, wrapping Nagito around his arms. “I love you because… To be honest, I’m not sure why. That’s just how I feel.”

“I love you because you’ve been so nice to me. I really feel like the luckiest person in the world,” Nagito smiled, nuzzling Hajime’s shirt. “Let me know if you feel anxious again. Just breathe in and out for now,” Hajime said, laying down onto the bed, Nagito following suit.

“You can sleep in my cottage for the next few nights if it helps,” Hajime suggested as he pulled the blanket over him and Nagito, to which the latter nodded. “Thank you.” The two of them slowly dozed off on the soft bed, lulled to sleep by the crickets chirping and the distant sound of water lapping against the shore.

The next time Nagito opened his eyes, he did not feel anything tight inside of his chest, and everything felt much more calm than before. The anxiety from before had abated and Nagito was alright again, thanks to the comforting company of Hajime.

Pale sunlight streamed into the room. “H-Hajime?” Nagito softly mouthed, half-awake from the depths of dreamland. He scanned the cottage’s interior with his eyes, unable to detect any trace of Hajime.

Upon making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, Nagito noticed a platter neatly set down onto the table, along with a small note delicately tucked underneath the platter.

_ Hey, you’re awake! _

_ I’m getting something at the market for a surprise. _

_ Just between the two of us. _

_ Anyway, here’s breakfast :) _

**_Hajime_ **

Nagito was relieved that he knew about Hajime’s whereabouts now, and he could not help but smile a little at the mention of a surprise. No one usually gave him surprises – his parents were long deceased, and he had next to no friends in his class because everyone found him weird. He was so grateful to have met Hajime, to be able to find him in a world crowded with so many people who seemed like they were against him

With a sheet of paper in hand, Hajime browsed through shelves of ingredients and condiments for his surprise. “What’s… all this supposed to mean?” he grumbled to no one in particular, trying to differentiate the similar-looking products on the shelf.

After a grueling shopping session which turned out to be more difficult than he had expected, Hajime returned back to his cottage with half of the morning already flown by. He creaked the door open and noticed Nagito lazing on his bed.

“Let’s go to the kitchen in the old hotel building.”

`-, ༅🍃

“Is this part of the surprise?” Nagito could not contain his curiosity as they both made their way to the kitchen. “Take a guess,” Hajime smirked, allowing Nagito to peek into the bag of groceries.

“Whipped cream… frosting… flour?” Nagito peered into the bag and gasped. He stared at Hajime, mouth agape for a few seconds. “Hajime!”

In the next moment, Nagito shot into Hajime’s arms and tightly hugged him. “You went out of your way to do this?”

“It wasn’t that out of the way,” Hajime nervously laughed. “Really? You’ve been gone for a long time though… did you have some sort of difficulty?” Nagito pressed, and Hajime flashed back to an embarrassing scene of him trying to differentiate the baking soda and baking powder packets.

“No! No, it was a totally normal shopping trip,” Hajime shook his head and nervously laughed again.

At the kitchen, they started figuring out what the recipe meant. “Preheat the oven on high for 5 minutes and weigh 200 grams of flour…” Hajime read out loud. “Nagito, could you pass me the weighing scale?”

The two of them carefully followed the instructions on the recipe, trying not to spill anything. Just then, Nagito exclaimed as he peeked into the oven. “Hajime, it’s… burnt?”

“Burnt?” Hajime rushed over to the oven and turned it off. “But it’s only been three minutes! The recipe said put the batter in the oven for ten minutes.”

“I think we’ve set the temperature too high.”

Nagito and Hajime took what they had done and ate it up first, before starting over again. Eventually, they had managed to successfully bake an unburnt cake. They gently hoisted it off the baking tray and placed it into a small box, before cleaning up the kitchen area, washing the equipment used and walking back to Hajime’s cottage with the cake that they had baked  _ together _ .

“This tastes pretty good for something we’ve only done three times,” Hajime remarked as he licked his icing-covered lips. The two of them were having a private cake tasting session in Hajime’s cottage, the cake courtesy of their own trial and error.

“I don’t really like it…” frowned Nagito.

“Hm?” Hajime looked up from his plate with an expression of bewilderment.

“I prefer salty food over sweet food. But I’ll eat it because we made this together,” Nagito said. Rays of sunlight were streaming through the window and softly illuminating his thick, wavy hair that flowed all over the place.

Hajime smiled. “Thank you.”

The two of them sat in silence and finished the cake, but not before Nagito spoke again.

“Hajime, if you think about it… this is kind of like a date, right?”

“If you say so, then yeah.”

`-, ༅🍃

Hajime and Nagito spent the rest of the day playing board games and watching television together. They could not go out of their cottage to hang out around the island because a short downpour that dragged from the late morning through the early evening had kept them inside Hajime’s cottage. However, the bad weather had (thankfully) cleared up before sunset.

Almost a frequent habit the both of them practised every time the golden hour came around, Hajime and Nagito ambled to the beach to watch the sunset. Upon arriving, they found that the sand was still a little damp from the shower earlier on. The sun left splashes of orange and light purple on the clouds as it slowly descended beneath the horizon, and Nagito was preoccupied with staring at the sky without looking at where he was going.

With his head in the clouds, Nagito did not take notice of where he was treading and ended up slipping. Hajime deftly extended his hand to catch Nagito mid-fall, but the angle between Nagito and the ground was already so narrow that Nagito continued to fall and pull Hajime downwards with him.

Hajime was a flustered mess as he lay on Nagito, and Nagito’s face was a deep shade of red when he realised that Hajime was on top of him. “H-Hajime…” Nagito whispered after coming to his senses.

Hajime’s heartbeat felt like it was doing somersaults as it pounded against his chest, Nagito’s whisper only intensening the heat on his face. He could faintly feel Nagito’s heartbeat through his dark green jacket.

“Nagito?” Hajime breathily murmured, centimetres away from Nagito’s face. He clutched the other boy’s shoulders and set him up onto a sitting position.

“We’re all covered in sticky sand now,” Nagito sighed. “How careless of me… I apologise for ruining this sunset.”

“Shut up,” Hajime groaned softly, involuntarily shifting himself further into Nagito’s lap. “It’s good that we fell down like this… because…” “Because…?” Nagito said, awaiting the second part of Hajime’s sentence.

“Because… I get to make you feel good,” Hajime whispered almost seductively, kissing Nagito and stroking his back. “H-Hajime… on the beach?” Nagito’s faltering voice said.

Hajime did not reply, slowly bringing his hands down to the hem of Nagito’s jacket and pulling it out. Nagito’s eyes soon filled with lust as he realised that Hajime was willing to do  _ that _ to him in public, first of all, unashamed to stoop so low in public, and second of all unashamed to do it to someone like him who was so undeserving.

Hajime panted as he slowly ground against Nagito, gripping onto the latter’s shoulders for support. “Nagito…” he mumbled, tenderly kissing Nagito again. “Hajime… you’re amazing,” Nagito replied, relishing the feeling of having someone showing their most vulnerable state to himself; Hajime was the first person to have done so, and he was so grateful, so at a loss for words, so desperate for Hajime.

Hajime’s movements were uncontrollable, and the inside of him was screaming for him to stop doing whatever he was doing. Hajime did not mind pleasing Nagito; he only minded the fact that he was doing something so intimate in public where anyone could stop and stare and judge. Despite being consciously aware of the fact that he had chosen the wrong location, he could not stop himself from moving. It all felt so good, to be able to fulfil Nagito and himself at once.

“Nagito…” Hajime finally snapped out of his trance and pushed against Nagito’s body to restrain himself from proceeding with what he was about to do. “Let’s go.”

On one hand, he swept up Nagito’s jacket. His other hand grabbed Nagito’s. His feet were moving on their own at this point, kind of like a car engine or a horse hoof. He was so desperate to feel Nagito all over him and stay in the moment forever, just like how they both paused in locked gazes at the movie theatre.

Hajime ran into his cottage, slammed the door shut and pushed Nagito onto the bed.

“Can I be rough with you just for now?”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a little hard to write haha,, i am simultaneously writing another au and trying to balance schoolwork as well so please pardon if the updates become a little irregular!!
> 
>  **i do** intend on completing this au, so i _definitely will not leave it unfinished_ and you can feel free to spam message me on @hopefullychiaki on instagram if i ever forget about this fic, or if you wanna suggest something for this au / request other aus!! or we can be friends haha
> 
> as always, remember to take care of yourself :D i love you!!


	5. 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5— thoughts
> 
> hajime thinks about something for a long time :(

Hajime and Nagito lay silently on the bed, heaving in and out deeply. Their faces were illuminated by faint moonlight. “I’ll help you clean up…” Hajime mumbled tiredly after he came down from his high, glancing at the mess the bed was in as he stood up.

Something about the events that had just taken place kept Hajime awake. Even after they had both washed their body fluids off and were snug in bed, Hajime felt gross. Just like at the beach previously, Hajime was not upset that he was in such a compromising position with someone everyone else despised. He felt ashamed that he was indulging in his own emotions so quickly, taking advantage of Nagito selfishly. Of course, everything that took place was 100 percent consensual between both parties. But it was the rashness of the moment, the quick development of their relationship that irked Hajime. He was definitely feeling overwhelmed, and the fact that he had brought whatever happened onto himself when he got off on Nagito at the beach made him even more frustrated. He did not like the speed at which their relationship was progressing – heck, they had not officially declared their relationship to anyone (which would have been possible with Chiaki, because she did not really mind being around Nagito and was also known to support gay relationships) or considered each other boyfriends yet. It was all in a state of limbo, and Hajime felt like he was to blame for it.

_ There’s something inside of me that’s driving me to do this. _ He thought, turning over onto his stomach to see if he could fall asleep like that.  _ I’m not the type of person to chase after someone else, so why am I doing this? Did I get too close to him because I just wanted to analyse him? Or am I just… lonely? _

Owing to Hajime’s talent from the Hope Cultivation Project, it was natural for him to analyse people he came across. Perhaps it was the fact that Nagito seemed so plain on the surface. While the other students were enthusiastic about their talents, Nagito did not make use of his talent much during most of their time in the Neo World Program. Everyone, including Hajime himself, was guilty of labelling Nagito as a hope-crazed bystander. With his new ability, though, it soon became clear that Nagito was trapped in the past.

Adding on to that, Nagito was also the only person who really, truly accepted Hajime. It could have been that Nagito thought of himself so lowly that he did not deserve to form strong connections with the other students in his class. Even after Hajime became the Ultimate Hope, there were still fragments and vestiges of his personality and demeanour that retained that of a normal, regular person as deemed by society.  _ nothing really special about him, nothing common, just a face in the crowd of reserve course students. _ And Nagito made him feel welcome to Class 77-B, to which the only connection he had was being a former Ultimate Despair. Nagito showed Hajime that his normality, his run-of-the-mill-ness, his unextraordinary self, was the only reason why he liked Hajime. The segregation in Hope’s Peak Academy which caused a divide between the haves and have-nots ended up scarring Hajime for life in some way or another, and Nagito was like the light at the end of the tunnel that greeted him and told him that he was beautiful, amazing, everything he could ever ask for.

The worst part of their relationship was that Hajime did not know how comfortable Nagito was. Due to the emotional baggage in his heart and the severity of his self-loathing, Hajime found it hard to tell if Nagito was alright with how everything was escalating and unfolding. Was Nagito just hiding the fact that he disliked Hajime and wanted to slow down? It could have been possible that Nagito thought that he might have come off as ungrateful if he said anything to Hajime. Owing to his personality, he could very well be suppressing a discomfort just so Hajime could get what he wanted; he could have been allowing himself to be used by Hajime.

With Nagito, there were no warning signs or red flags. He did not seem to have a care in the world on his smooth, blissful face. There was no way for Hajime to tell what was going on in Nagito’s head.  _ Still waters run deep… was that the quote? _

Hajime felt like the worst. He did not want to make use of Nagito like this, but his instincts and lust had taken over his rational judgement and ended up causing the events that happened that day.

The long train of thoughts kept Hajime awake, but they also slowly lulled him to sleep as his eyes grew heavier and heavier. Needless to say, he did not have a good night’s rest.

`-, ༅🍃

For the next few days, Hajime felt a little uncomfortable with staying with Nagito in his own cottage. As much as he wanted to spend more time with Nagito, he was afraid of overstepping boundaries – that of his own, and Nagito’s. Once lust was thrown into the equation, it would be easy for both parties to lose control of themselves and do things they would normally be uncomfortable with doing.

Hajime was scared of himself, because he did not know what he was capable of doing any more, especially after that day at the beach.

After an unrestful sleep, he opened his eyes at 5 a.m. and went to the beach by himself to contemplate the next logical courses of action. By spending less time with Nagito, he could remind himself of how much of a terrible person he actually was, and stop seeing himself as someone worthy of Nagito’s love.

He ran through all the events in the recent past, thinking about how he had consciously and deliberately brought despair into a program that was meant to eliminate despair from his classmates. No, they were not even his classmates. He was just an unfortunate soul that was experimented on.

_ Stop thinking of yourself like this… go back to being a nobody. _

Hajime took the key to Nagito’s cottage, unlocked it, went in to take a piece of paper and wrote down something for Nagito. “Nagito, I’ll be sleeping in your cottage for a few days. I have something important to think about for the time being. You can feel free to use my cottage.

He slipped the note underneath his own cottage door for Nagito to read when he got out of bed, and he went back into his own cottage to slip underneath the covers. Upon noticing it, Nagito took his pen to write a reply.

“Hajime, can we go for breakfast together first? Please…?”

There was no way that Hajime could refuse.

_ How did I end up here? _ he could only think as he picked at the eggs on his plate, Nagito sitted opposite him.

“Are you tired from the things we did last night? Do you feel… guilty?” Nagito prodded upon noticing Hajime’s changed demeanour.

Hajime shook his head. “No, I enjoyed spending time with you.” To say the least, that was true. Hajime was only upset at himself for what he did.

For the rest of the day, Hajime shut himself in Nagito’s cottage as he planned, and Nagito spent his time idling in Hajime’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for a short chapter >< this chapter was more of a focus into hajime's thoughts and to pave the way for the next part of the story, so i'll make up for the shortness of this chapter in the next!!


	6. 涙。

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6— tears
> 
> false conclusions are drawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to thank my friend eggi (who is also on ao3) for helping me with this chapter!! angst is not my area of expertise but i managed to get a lot of advice from them so please go check their works out!! :D

An inexplicable feeling ran from Hajime’s head to toe. Everything was overwhelming, kind of like a rollercoaster ride with many nauseating loops and turns and spins.

As much as it made him feel bad, Hajime could not bring himself to look for the one person that he spent so much time with for the past few days. His tight chest and wobbly legs restrained him to the bed.

“Hajime? Hajime?” Nagito called out the next morning. It had been a day since they last saw each other. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yes…” Hajime groaned, realising that he might have sounded a tad too irritated for Nagito. He made for the door and threw it open to give Nagito a fleeting embrace to assure him that he was doing alright. “I just woke up,” Hajime yawned. That was a lie; he had been awake for the past few hours, his paralysing anxiety stealing sleep away.  “H-Hajime,” Nagito smiled, steadying himself and easing Hajime away.

“Do you wanna go out for breakfast together?” Nagito said as usual.  “Sure.”

“What drink do you want?” Nagito asked Hajime as the latter returned with steaming hot pancakes fresh off the griddle.

“I’ll have orange juice.”

As Nagito went over to the pitcher to get orange juice, Hajime shuffled to beside him and hugged him from behind. “I’m glad we could have breakfast together.” That was another lie; many thoughts were plaguing his mind at that point of time. He was trying to sense Nagito’s body language to see if he was upset to have Hajime clinging all over him. He clung to Nagito like pollen, gripping him tightly as if he was grains of sand threatening to slip out of cracks in a palm. Part of him wanted to see how far he could push Nagito before Nagito really started to be uncomfortable. Part of him just did not want to let go of Nagito. He wanted to believe that everything was okay and Nagito was totally fine with the quickening rate at which their relationship was progressing.

“Here’s your orange juice. Now go away,” Nagito said. For a moment, Hajime was stunned to hear that kind of response. Nagito nudged Hajime away from him, before breaking into a nervous laugh. “Haha… that was just a joke!”

Hajime felt a little relief at that, but he was still a little worried overall. He could not stop thinking about the possibility that Nagito was trying to hint to him to stop being around him, or that Nagito disliked him. There were no clear warning signs when it came to someone as unpredictable as him. For all he knew, Nagito might have been putting up an act in order not to seem ungrateful for the affection Hajime was showing.

“Do you wanna sleep in your cottage tonight, or do you still need to think about something?” Nagito said when they returned from breakfast. “I’ll sleep in yours tonight. I want more alone time,” Hajime said.

“Alright then…” Nagito shrugged, trying to hide the disappointment on his face. “I guess I’ll get going now.”

Hajime wanted to cling onto Nagito as much as possible, but he could not seem to move. All he could do was blankly watch Nagito stroll back to his cottage and (almost dejectedly) shut the door, especially after what Nagito had said previously. “Now go away.” The words looped around his mind like a carousell. Now go away. Now go away. Now go away. Now go away.

He fell back onto Nagito’s bed, wishing that he could doze off for a second time. Then again, would staying quiet about the situation help anything? If anything, he would just be seeming to be pushing Nagito away from him by staying silent and pent up in a cottage. It would be even weirder if Nagito knew that he was trying to be clingy on purpose. He was not the most tactful romantic, so he thought that the way he was behaving earlier at the restaurant 

He would have to tell Nagito the truth, or else…

`-, ༅🍃

Hajime brought Nagito to the hotel poolside at night. Soft beams of moonlight bounced off the ripples in the water, illuminating their faces in subtle shades of light blue.

“What would you like to talk about, Hajime?” Nagito said, turning to face him after admiring the water surface for a while. “I… I thought about this for the past few days, and I think I have a conclusion.”

“Be my guest.”

“Alright then… please feel free to tell me how you really feel. You can say even the meanest of things.”

“H-Hajime?”

“I… I want you to tell me if this is going too fast for you. Two days ago, I’m not very sure of what I did, and…”

“No, no, Hajime. You’re doing great. I’m completely okay with everything.”

“No… please, tell me the truth. Tell me if you’re uncomfortable. I overstepped a boundary, didn’t I?”

“Not at all.” Nagito intensely shook his head.

“Please be truthful with me.”

“Hajime, I’m really alright with everything. Please don’t worry.”

“...then…”

Tears flickered in Hajime’s eyes as he looked forlornly at Nagito. Nagito wanted to ask him something, but he decided not to make Hajime even more worked up.

“I…” Hajime breathily mumbled. “Give me a moment.” Hajime brushed away the tears on his face and ran back to Nagito’s cottage. He was so frustrated because of his own actions which he could not comprehend. Why did he fall in love with Nagito? Why Nagito? Why not just someone else?

He was scared to fall in love with someone he just wanted to get a kick out of from analysing. There could never be anything authentic between them: he was just a talentless, ordinary, run-of-the-mill high school student that was coincidentally involved in human experimentation and the manipulation of hope. He knew that Nagito hated him deep down inside him. He just could not bear to say it to Hajime’s face. That was how pathetic Hajime was. He was not even deserving of the truth, and Nagito would never allow Hajime to see his true feelings, his vulnerable side. Spending time with Nagito was just a waste of his time and emotions.

Even worse: Nagito might have been just clinging on to him to toy with him. To see how pathetic he was. To expose the most fragile, insecure parts of himself that would forever carry the label “Reserve Course Student”. He deserved it, did he not? He was also tugging at the most insecure parts of Nagito when he asked questions about his past. He was upset at himself for blindly being lured into Nagito’s trap, and then confronting Nagito about it. Nagito just did not say anything about it when he was being questioned so that he would be able to spend more time with Hajime, and then mock him in his head and judge him and say bad things behind his back and —

Nagito stalled for a moment after Hajime’s swift exit, and he snapped back to reality in a jiffy. “Hajime! Hajime!” He soon came running in pursuit of the other boy, frantically calling out to him from the other side of the door. “Are you alright?”

Sobbing violently on the bed, Hajime buried himself under the covers and refused to respond to Nagito.

After a while, Nagito relented and left.

`-, ༅🍃

For the rest of the day, it rained a considerable amount, which kept the emotional mess Hajime was pent up inside Nagito’s room, and for this time, longer than ever. He did not feel like going anywhere, and he had probably scared Nagito away (for good) from any further potential dates. Either that or Nagito was laughing his head off at the pathetic sight. He could never know, because all the white-haired boy did was shroud himself in layers and layers of self-hatred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year!! i hope this chapter was expressive enough for their characters ssjkdfhs i'm afraid that it went too quickly or there's too much overthinking,, please let me know if this was not up to standard D: !! i genuinely want to improve in the pacing of the au so please point out some stuff if you feel like there is room for improvement! thank you for reading :D


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